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7 Ways to Write a Post So Funny that It Makes People Wet Their Pants

Readers have told me that they’ve wet their office chairs while reading my posts. They’ve claimed that they’ve spit cheesy puff crumbs onto their screens. Oh, I’ve heard every creative euphemism for “I laughed out loud.” And each time I hear one, I beam with “Are You Sure I Don’t Really Suck?” pride. It’s probably a ginormously wicked bad idea for me to lead into this post by telling you that, though….

More about why at the end of the post.

For now, here are some tactics that I’ve used to get a laugh

  1. 1- Make fun of yourself. People don’t like to laugh at themselves, but they adore laughing at you. Make fun of your neuroses. Make fun of your bad habits. Make fun of your weaknesses. Make fun of your lack of self-control. Example: “I knew I needed to start doing those kegels when I walked past a picture of a toilet and I felt warm liquid oozing down my inner thighs.”
  2. 2- Think like an adolescent boy. Certain words and expressions never fail to make people laugh. They are: farting, boogers, pants peeing, and pants pooping. For ideas, watch any movie that stars Will Ferrell.
  3. 3- Write the opposite of what people expect. People expect clichés. That’s why writing about slipping on banana peels isn’t funny. People don’t expect originality. An example of a cliché that is not funny: Not tonight, honey, I have a headache. An example of something unexpected that could make the same situation funny: Not tonight, honey. I just ate 2 pints of blueberries and need to take the world’s biggest dump.
  4. 4- Use the funniest words. Big, intellectual words make your readers feel mentally un-gifted, and that’s not a funny feeling. Don’t use them. Instead, use simple words that sound funny. Generally, words with a hard K in them are funny. For instance, geographically speaking, Kansas is funnier than Maine. So are words with an “ou” sound. Again, Waterloo is funnier than Paris. But there also countless funny sounds. Just remember: it’s the sound of the word and not necessarily its meaning that makes it funny. That’s why underpants and panties are funny, but underwear and lingerie are not. It’s also why badoinkies are funny, but breasts are not. And it’s why dang and darn tooting are funny, but damn is not. By the way, the word “vagina” is always funny, especially if you put it into a sentence where it just doesn’t belong. For instance, to lift your spirits on a rainy day, try inserting that word into any movie title. See?
  5. 5- Find creative alternatives to curse words. Curse words are the lazy bloggers way of getting a laugh, and they only generate laughs from the people who are not offended. Writing around them not only prevents you from offending your more prim and proper readers, it can also generate laughs. For instance, consider which of the following you find funnier: 1) That forbidden thing that children pretend their parents don’t do 2) The actual curse word that refers to #1.
  6. 6- Use exaggerated analogies and examples. Bazillion is a funny word precisely because it’s always an exaggeration. You could write: I haven’t had sex in months. That does not generate laughs. It generates pity. Alternately, you could write: I haven’t had sex in so long that I decided to donate my vagina to a worthy cause. Of course it’s an exaggeration. Of course it’s not true. But your readers know that, because it’s impossible to donate one’s vagina to a worthy cause. So it’s not lying. It’s creative.
  7. 7- Write about topics that make people uncomfortable. What makes people uncomfortable? Death, sex, curse words, farting and other bodily functions, weakness, and embarrassment. You’ll be especially funny if you can find a way to string a bunch of them together. Example: While giving my husband a blowjob, I was thinking about my dead grandmother and then, all of the sudden, I farted a big juicy stinky one.

Oh, and here’s one way to put a cork on a funny situation. Tell readers that you are funny or that your post or story is funny. As soon as you set yourself up as being funny, people will hold you to a higher funny standard. Case in point: since you thought this post was supposed to be funny, I bet you didn’t laugh once. So ban the word “funny” from your writing, as well as all of its derivatives (LOL, ROTFL, etc) and you will instantly be a shade funnier.

Bonus Tip: Put everything you write to the funny test. Read it out loud. If you don’t make yourself laugh, you probably won’t make other people laugh either. Just in case you are wondering (you are? you aren’t?), the example in #7 made me laugh on three different occasions. But the rest of this post did not make me laugh. So it’s probably not all that funny. What do you think?

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Image credit: LaurenZ0

I'm a professional writer, blogger and author of Project: Happily Ever After (Running Press 2011). My articles have appeared in Parade, Women's Health, Better Homes & Gardens and elsewhere. As a collaborator and ghost writer of books, I've worked on 6 NY Times bestsellers. My blog Project Happily Ever After focuses on marriage advice, based on what I learned from going from wishing my husband dead to renewing my wedding vows. I am also the health blogger for the Morning Call newspaper in Allentown.

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{ 139 comments… add one }

  • Yus October 27, 2012, 6:36 am

    You are really funny. Get wet in my pant.Keep up the good work. Great achievement. Well Done. Way to go

  • Fail October 25, 2012, 7:31 pm

    I nearly wet my pants reading this blog post, does that count :P

  • Jason April 15, 2012, 1:13 pm

    I find that written humour is much more sensitive to individual taste than other forms of humour. What is funny to one person simply isn’t to another. The ‘rude words’ theory leaves me cold. Rhythm is to written humour what timing is to stand up comedy. Something unfunny can easily become funny is placed within the right context and ‘brought’ to the reader with the timing the writer intends. That timing comes from sentence flow, punctuation and word choice… Rhythm.
    Read my ‘funny’ blog to see what I don’t mean.

    • Pamela March 7, 2013, 12:56 pm

      Hi Jason, is that the name of your blog? If not, what is it? I want to read your ‘funny’ blog.

  • Rose October 4, 2011, 10:42 am

    The best part of amusing blog posts is that people are happy to link to them, so you get a lot of “natural” backlinks
    Rose recently posted..Hubpages and PandaMy Profile

  • Tumul September 7, 2011, 3:13 pm

    LOL…nice one! I could use the tips! thanks!

  • Mike July 4, 2011, 1:20 pm

    Thanks for this super post! Great advice for creative nonfiction and brand journalism. Making fun of your product or service can work too! Check Chik Filet’s Eat more Chicken campaign (spoken by a cow) and the Old Spice spots.

  • teatree June 24, 2011, 10:22 am

    The most important thing you need to produce a funny post is a light touch. If you are being too serious (or angry) it just doesn’t work.

  • Fisayo Sanyaolu March 5, 2011, 9:31 am

    Alisa, I must commend you for taking your time to share these tips. The tactics are okay.

  • David Marks March 2, 2011, 11:16 pm

    when writing an article one should know more about the topic in order to write or create a high quality article, we all know that article is one of the best way to drive traffic to sites, not only traffic it also drives money straight to you.

  • Sven February 28, 2011, 9:33 am

    Making fun of yourself can be good… making fun of other people is also good as long as you don’t cross the line!
    Sven recently posted..They’re Gonna Taste Great… The Frosties KidMy Profile

  • Darren Scott Monroe February 4, 2011, 8:51 am

    Great subject LOL I wrote articles that catch FUNNY ATTENTION with the headlines

    i.e. “Get Paid 1 Million Dollars to Scratch Your Butt and Sniff” I cant tell you how interesting the feedback got from there.
    Darren Scott Monroe recently posted..Get Paid 1 Million Dollars to Scratch Your Butt and Sniff PodcastMy Profile

  • Rodger January 17, 2011, 6:18 pm

    @Jasmine, I too want to read the article so funny that I will wet my pants. I am not too embarrassed to admit it has happened before. Sometimes, there is nothing so great as laughing until tears streaming down your face, and you cannot breathe.

  • chris December 21, 2010, 12:01 pm

    great write up!

    im 24 – but i still think like a kid – so making jokes in my posts are a no brainer. its an easy way to attract way readers and it does make readers come back!

    what the fiznart!
    chris recently posted..Parked Domain Ranks HIGH In GoogleMy Profile

  • Monkey Alan December 9, 2010, 6:14 pm

    Good article. I write a humour blog (below) and although I don’t struggle to summon the funnies, enjoyed the read.
    Monkey Alan recently posted..LardMy Profile

  • Missy November 24, 2010, 8:45 pm

    Humor works in just about any and all situations, but especially in marketing. Most people don’t want to be sold, but they do want to laugh. Yeehaw!!!
    Missy recently posted..7 Compelling Reasons To Use Host GatorMy Profile

  • Jasmine November 11, 2010, 9:56 pm

    Excellent 7 tips. But, please show me 1 article that’s so funny that I will wet my pants. :)
    Jasmine recently posted..Top 5 PrestaShop Fashion TemplatesMy Profile

  • Murray November 3, 2010, 11:38 pm

    Like they say – poop jokes work haha – people don’t want to be serious all the time so why should your blog be? Just kick back, chill out, tell some jokes and you’ll keep everyone in high spirits.
    Murray recently posted..Small Business- The Importance Of A WebsiteMy Profile

  • Isabel Rodrigues - Pro Blogger Journey
    Twitter:
    October 27, 2010, 11:35 pm

    Interesting Post to say the least. Some of your points were quiet funny
    Isabel Rodrigues – Pro Blogger Journey recently posted..How a DoFollow Blog Can Help You Improve Visitor Involvement to Your SIteMy Profile

  • John October 27, 2010, 8:42 am

    I just checked out your other blog and it was very interesting. I like all the advice you have and it is good to hear a woman’s point of view. It’s funny though I almost felt like I shouldn’t be there. You really get good reactions and responses from your readers.

  • Shanker Bakshi October 19, 2010, 10:17 pm

    Nice post, in depth, never notice some words sounds funny then other.

    Hesham, You need to do something about this font, its not readers friendly. FInd it difficult to read.

  • Greg September 22, 2010, 9:48 am

    Very funny, but I’m not going to take your advice about writing about my vagina…
    Greg recently posted..Read My Blog PostMy Profile

  • Davegeorge September 21, 2010, 7:26 am

    This was a Highly knowledgeable post. Kudos for taking pains to write such an awesome post.

    And it seems to be like that you have spend a lot of time to research and write an unique post like this.

  • cam September 8, 2010, 11:40 am

    This is great information. I did laugh a few times more than you though, so i am thinking you passed the funny test. If only more bloggers could be as lighthearted.
    cam recently posted..Comment on Call of Duty- Modern Warfare 2 Throat Communicator for Xbox 360 by Douglas C HoughtonMy Profile

  • ravi June 23, 2010, 1:39 am

    Thanks for these great tips!
    ravi recently posted..3 Million iPads Sold Till DateMy Profile

  • sharlen Legum June 8, 2010, 2:40 pm

    This is great -
    Nick-Names, Baby’s Name
    Children often have a way of coming up with a name for the baby. I think it makes them feel a part of the whole scene. A niece begged me to name my first daughter Big Bird. A friend’s daughter choose broccoli for the new baby.

  • Amy April 1, 2010, 2:46 pm

    Excellent post. This is going in my blog help folder.

  • Cori Padgett March 31, 2010, 9:25 pm

    LOL… great post hun. :) I did get a couple laughs, so you brought the funny. Well done! I often do several of those tips when writing my own posts, but I’d not actually broken it down and analyzed what I was doing. LOL Now I know there is a strategy!

    C

  • Mike March 30, 2010, 9:47 am

    Great post as always!

  • Alex March 29, 2010, 7:23 pm

    I think you gotta be born with it! You’re one of those… =)

  • Lauren March 25, 2010, 10:11 pm

    Good tips to have! Thanks!
    .-= Lauren´s last blog ..My love affair with Robert Heinlein =-.

  • Anthony March 25, 2010, 7:08 pm

    Have you ever had a few drinks before writing a post? “I hear” you are more open and say what’s really on your mind. I laughed at your #6. In this economy I bet you gave people an idea for making money. I’m just saying!

  • Melissa Cassera March 25, 2010, 5:18 pm

    This is great – I never think of myself as a “funny” person – but when I post about anything that makes me feel a twinge of embarrassment – it always gets the best response! Thanks for these tips Alisa!

  • Heather Van Diest March 25, 2010, 3:24 pm

    LOVE your blog. It brings me to the cusp of peeing in my pants regularly.

  • Melissa March 25, 2010, 12:45 pm

    When I read your blog at work, I’m sure my coworkers think I need to be committed, becuase I’ll be in my little cubicle just laughing my head off :) Today was no exception! Thanks for all the laughs…and the great advice!

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